The Faeries' Spoof
by Hope the Ghost Writer
Summary: A spoof of The Faeries' Ruin plot. Need I say more? ;D Rated T, just in case I end up using a lot of language, and also because I referred to "Friday" in Chapter One. XD *brick'd*


**_A/N_—__**_I'm in a spoofy mood. LOL. TFR was my favourite plot ever. :3_

_I just realized that TNT put a _Monty Python and the Holy Grail _reference in one of the achievements. "Thou shall count to three_—_no more, no less." XD HOLY HAND GRENADE TIME. 8D_

_It's my favourite movie ever. I'll probably end up alluding to the movie every three seconds. We spoofs gotta stick together, you know!_

_Okay, I'm rambling. I'll shut up and..."JUST GET ON WITH IT!" *brick'd for _Monty Python _reference*_

* * *

><p><em>This chapter of the plot opens up with a blue Ixi, HANSO, as he enters the annual Faerie Festival. However, there's something different about that year's festival: the faeries have been turned to stone! As the festival stands still and lifeless, Hanso goes to investigate<em>—and by investigate, I mean pickpocket the faeries.<em>_

**HANSO **This is terrible...

_HANSO approaches a petrified Fyora and tries to remove a necklace from her body, but it won't budge._

**HANSO** This necklace is solid stone. What gives?

_The Ixi steps back a few feet to observe the Faerie Queen._

**HANSO **Whatever. I'll try someone else. It's not like these faeries are gonna get up and leave or something.

_He turns around and sees a faerie's purse lying helplessly on the floor._

**HANSO **Jackpot! Look out, Kelp, 'cos Hanso's eating well tonight!

_HANSO begins raiding the purse until he hears someone say, "We should be nearly there."_

**HANSO, in a hushed voice** Uh oh. I know that voice anywhere. RUN AWAY!

_The Ixi drops the goods that he was planning on stealing and runs off, hiding behind a faerie in attempts of staying unnoticed._

_Meanwhile, KING ALTADOR and his GUARDS_—a SKEITH and a DRAIK_—enter the scene.___

**ALTADOR **Yes, here we are. The festival is up ahead.

_After a few moments, ALTADOR stops. He is standing in place as he's examining the remains of the once vivacious event._

It's just as I feared: the entire Faerie Festival, turned to stone.

**SKEITH GUARD (to DRAIK GUARD)** They've been turned to stone? What happened? Did someone make a pathetic Neopets/_Percy Jackson_ crossover fanfic or something?

_The DRAIK GUARD, who is embarrassed by his sad-excuse-for-a-guard companion, elbows the SKEITH GUARD. Afraid of being elbowed again, the SKEITH GUARD slowly inches away from the DRAIK GUARD._

_BRYNN, a red Kougra dressed in Brightvalian armour, enters the scene, approaching ALTADOR and his GUARDS._

**BRYNN (to ALTADOR)** King Altador? Your majesty, they call me Brynn, and King Hagan sent me to investigate this strange occurrence. If I could be of service, I am here to offer my aid.

**ALTADOR, distracted by the sight of the festival** Sure, yeah, whatever. Feel free to help or...something.

_As BRYNN, ALTADOR, and the GUARDS explore the festival, HANSO peers over the shoulder of the faerie that he's hiding behind. He notices BRYNN._

**HANSO, in a hushed voice** It's that chick...again? After arresting me all those times, now she thinks that it's chill to, like, _stalk_ me? Okay, that's actually kinda hot...and creepy. But still hot. Definitely hot.

_BRYNN approaches Queen Fyora. Her face is filled with shock._

**BRYNN** The Faerie Queen's been frozen, too? OH, THE HORROR!

_ALTADOR and his GUARDS join BRYNN._

**SKEITH GUARD **Fyora's been turned to stone, too? Man, she's really lost her game, then. I think we need to elect a new queen or_—_

_The DRAIK GUARD, fed up with his companion, slaps the SKEITH GUARD across the face._

**ALTADOR** The spell used here must have been similar to the one that Fyora used to turn the Darkest Faerie to stone, except on a much larger scale. It's flabbergasting.

**SKEITH GUARD (to DRAIK GUARD)** Flabbergasting? Is that even a word?

_The DRAIK GUARD tries to contain his anger._

**HANSO (from behind the faerie)** You've gotta admit: whoever pulled that off must be pretty bad-ass.

_Everyone hears HANSO speak and turns towards the statue that he is hiding behind._

**SKEITH GUARD** Did that statue just speak or_—_

_HANSO comes out from behind the faerie statue._

**HANSO** What's up, homies? Looks like you need some help figuring out this mystery. Well, need no more! Hanso is here to share his intel!

_HANSO makes a flamboyant, pompous pose. The GUARDS don't seem to find this entertaining and point their swords at HANSO. BRYNN also joins in, pointing her sword at HANSO as well._

**BRYNN** Hanso? You again? Don't tell me that _you_ did this, or else jail time won't_—_

**ALTADOR (to BRYNN)** You mean to tell me that you _know _this ruffian?

**BRYNN** If, by that, you mean "know him from all of the times that I've arrested him and sent him to the dungeons of Brightvale's castle," then yes, I know him.

_KING JAZAN enters._

**JAZAN** Nobody trust him. All thieves are the same: deceptive, brash, uncivilized. Oh, and they don't wear guyliner as awesome as mine, so they're all losers anyhow.

**BRYNN** But Jazan, aren't you married to a thief?

_JAZAN pauses for a moment before answering._

**JAZAN **...touche.

**HANSO** And who says that guyliner is awesome?

**JAZAN** Well, I wear it, and _I'm_ the awesomest thing since the Snuggie!

**HANSO **Snuggies are retarted. That must mean that you're retarted.

_JAZAN, infuriated by HANSO's insults, picks up the Ixi from his shirt and lifts him up to eye-level._

**JAZAN** Never. Insult. The. Guyliner. YOU GOT THAT, PUNK?

**ALTADOR** Well, Jazan_—_

**JAZAN** That's _King _Jazan, Altador!

**ALTADOR** (_sighs) _Well, _King_ Jazan, _technically_ you're not wearing guyliner. It's called _kohl, _and_—_

**SKEITH GUARD** _Kohl? _Isn't that a store?

**JAZAN** Indeed: a store that is not worthy of my awesomeness. That is why I shall stick to calling it guyliner. Guyliner it is called, and guyliner it shall be!

**HANSO** Sounds stupid to me. I think it makes Nabile sound manlier than you.

_JAZAN is brimming with rage at this point._

**ALTADOR** So, King Jazan, what brings you here?

**JAZAN** Well, I arrived an hour ago, only to find _(shakes HANSO violently)_ this heartless buffoon stealing from the helpless faeries here at the Festival!

**HANSO** What? It's not like they're gonna miss their stuff or anything.

**BRYNN** _(slaps face with palm) _Oh, Hanso, when will you ever learn.

_JAZAN puts down HANSO, who steps to the side and begins to converse with BRYNN._

**JAZAN (to ALTADOR)** Look, I came to figure out what was going on. I did not come here to listen to some _moronic_ thief insult my awesomeness. Based on the "warm welcome" that he gave me, I doubt that he's got anything _useful_ to say.

**BRYNN** Come on. Just give Hanso a chance!

**ALTADOR** Fine, but only because I've trusted _(looks at HANSO)_ your kind before. But, if you say the wrong words, then you could be in a hell of a lot of trouble.

**HANSO **Thank you, King Altador, for your trust. I'm honoured. _(HANSO bows respectfully)_

_Now, HANSO changes keys and dares to swindle the royalty out of his money in exchange for information._

**HANSO** Now, as for the matter of my fees, I charge five neopoints a word, ten for anything with more than two syllables, one-hundred for anything that refers to Rebecca Black's "Friday"...

_ALTADOR'S GUARDS and BRYNN point swords at HANSO._

**HANSO **Alright, alright! Eight, then.

**BRYNN** Hanso!

**HANSO** Fine. Free it is. Okay, so I was just wandering the outskirts of Faerie City...


End file.
